Day 1 – I’m Not an Alcoholic (as defined by my parents)

Look, Image

Before we begin this epic adventure (no seriously, the movie “Epic” was supposed to be based on this but then the producers researched my life more and realized they couldn’t make a PG movie about a young homosexual alcoholic living in the party city of the world), I want to say thank you for choosing to click on the link to this blog when I most likely facebook raped you to make you click it.  Thank you for taking the 2-3 minutes of your undoubtedly valuable time to read a part blog/part confessional ramblings from someone trying to figure out his life.

…That is the deepest we are going to go.  And if you want, I’m sure you can stop reading now and click back to regularly scheduled programming in your life and watch Kim K’s newest sex tape or listen to Taylor Swift’s bitchass whine about another Disney channel star. Regardless of your decision,  I will be here writing in this online journal so I can tell stories about watching my friends rage all weekend in Miami while I sip lemon flavored water and pretend to get shwasted with them.  Now, don’t get me wrong: I don’t actually dislike drinking.  In fact I fucking loooveeeeeee partying and having a wickedly rowdy night on the town.  I have wanted to do this experiment for a while to see what my life would be (temporarily) without alcoholic influencing every daily/weekly/daily decision I make.  And no, I don’t actually drink every day – I probably drink as much as LiLo snorts coke (OK, so maybe I do have an issue).  I just kinda wanna see what life would be like sober. I know i know its kinda weird, but I’m a weird guy.  And who knows, in 3 days when Friday rolls around, I could have had enough of 72 hours of soberness and pass out by 10pm wasted.  It could happen.  But, one day at a time, I’m gonna test this out, and hopefully get to 40 days of sober living ( I would say clean but I don’t know when I’ll quit cigs/turn straight).  Thus you should be forewarned: this blog will not be politically correct, the grammar will most likely be shitty, etc etc but only because I am treating this like a stream of consciousness or whatever that means.  I don’t know. But yea, expect a lot of unfiltered me 🙂 🙂 And I promise this won’t be super duper gay, as in like “omg today I looked at a glass of vodka and felt filled with god’s strength as my trembling fingers resisted the urge to knock back the glass.  praise you jesus hallelujah”.  It will be more like “OMG LAST NIGHT I WENT OUT WITH _____________ AND SHE WAS SO FUCKING BLACKOUT SHE TOOK OFF HER SHIRT AND RAN DOWN LINCOLN ROAD SINGING HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME”.  I hope this is funnyyyyyyy.

Also, just because it would be fun, when I drink I on average lose my phone like every 3 months.  In high school/early college that was fine, because the shitty flip phones I was using werent good enough to even be put in a Kids Meal.  But for the last 2.5 years I’ve been losing/dropping/peeing on smartphones.  SMARTPHONES. and those are soooo expensive.  and this weekend I lost another one. I had just bought the 5 3 weeks ago.  and its gone now. my previous iPhone, I broke in mid April after getting it from my insurance company after I lost that phone in end of March.  Do you see my Iphone problem?  Hell, I don’t have a drinking problem – I have a hate/hate relationship with Iphones.  Maybe they have counseling for that?

Anyway, I’m off to bed, even though my apt doesn’t have A/C so I’ll probably just lay in bed dying and wishing I was tipsy so I could fall asleep.  Maybe my roommate has Nyquil….